my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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