Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
