i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
