please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
