i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
