i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
