i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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