guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
