i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
