Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
