we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
