so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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