thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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