I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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