i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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