Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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