WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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