so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
