Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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