Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
