You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize