I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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