When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
4 words: hood of his car
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
