I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
there is puke in my bra ... again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
