Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
