You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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