She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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