then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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