It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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