I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
