Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize