If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
