Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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