dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
