Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My ass is underappreciated
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
