that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
