Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
