You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
