somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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