I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
