he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
