I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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