I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bet he comes in French.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
