I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize