I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
