She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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