New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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