Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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