If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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