So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
