Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
