At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize