Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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