Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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