but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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