So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
