she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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