Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
