i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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