we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize