I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
