That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize