If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
