You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I FOUND THE LEGS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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