I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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