Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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