Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize