So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
