I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
