I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
