Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
