I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I supernannyed him into submission
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
