I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
