I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
