The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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