The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
