forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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