Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
