Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
