I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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