420 ftw
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
