he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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