is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
