were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
