Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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