Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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