allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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