I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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