i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize