dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
