I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Say something about gay babies.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
