dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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