What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
