why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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